So, you made the first step to go on BindiDates
and viewed several Desi profiles. You went on a few dates and have finally found that special someone you enjoy seeing everyday! Now, you're not quite ready to get married but you are contemplating the next step: should you give the keys to your place or hold off for another time?
The success of a relationship, like most other projects, is often evidenced by the achievement and completion of certain milestones. Of course, the pace at which one progresses towards these milestones varies from individual to individual.
Take, for example, the first kiss. For some, this can happen at the end of the very first date but for others it can take a few dates for them to even feel the comfort and chemistry to bestow or reciprocate a kiss. And not those brief, flirty, peck-on-the-cheek type kisses. We’re talking about the long, passionate, kiss which leaves you heightened with passion, desire and a longing for more! Get the picture? Now, that is a milestone and a very important one, if the romantic relationship is to progress much further.
These early milestones are largely a function of chemistry which should not be as games. If you both feel like kissing each other and there is a strong attraction then kiss already! The same rationale applies to other levels of intimacy. Your comfort zone
is a function of your culture, your upbringing and your perceived moral value on these matters. So, do not feel pressured if you've had four dates and are still just holding hands. By the same token, don't punish or condemn yourself if you are comfortable enough to invite or drop by at his/her place after just two or three dates.
Progress into the relationship at a pace that you feel most comfortable and the milestones will take care of themselves.However, as your dating advances into romance and as the romance blossoms into coupledom, you will be thinking about things that can have a significant impact on the relationship.
One such milestone is letting your partner have the key to your place. This is a biggie. But, like that first kiss, there's really no right or wrong time to do it. There isn't an absolute benchmark that you can refer to. So, we won't be telling you about when (or whether) it is appropriate or not for couples to exchange keys. But, here are some things you may want to consider on this subject.
In our view, giving of keys is more of a symbolic gesture than an open invitation to use it as you please. It's just a way of saying 'I trust you enough and I am comfortable enough with you to let you in to my world'. This necessarily means that, before the keys are offered, the relationship has already progressed to a point where the couple is spending a fair bit of time together in the place to which the keys are being shared.You also want your partner to think that you have thought about this gesture and understand its implications. That would make him/her appreciate the symbolism of getting a key to your place.
And if you are the recipient of the key, never use the key to enter your partner’s place and let yourself in uninvited or without their knowledge. It's really just more of a convenience thing than an invitation to pack up a suitcase of personal effects and move in!
If you plan to spend an evening together or you routinely stay the night there – it's nice for one person to be able to get there ahead of time or to stay in longer if the other has elsewhere to go the next morning. The dynamics still stay the same, the visits are planned the same way as before, the key just makes things a little bit easier and more than anything, it’s an endorsement that things are progressing well
There is nothing worse than trusting someone with something as personal as a key to your place only to find that the other person is using it as a licence to drop in unannounced, to snoop around and invade your personal space or, worse, nag you about state of your apartment and personal effects!
Also, just because you gave your key do not harbour expectations to receive a key in return. Remember, this gesture is also not easily reversed. Once you give your key you may find it difficult to ask for it back if you change your mind later.
So think it through and then do what makes most sense to you. 🙂