Setting the Bar & Avoiding the Dating Limbo

Setting the Bar & Avoiding the Dating Limbo

For some, dating is just a means to an end while others enjoy the dating arena and are quite content to go through life just drifting from one date to the next.

Whether you see dating as a journey or as a destination, BindiDates
is great for Desi singles interested in seeing who's out there and for those looking for a serious relationship. 


Sure, dating is fun. But, ultimately, you want to progress from making plans for next Saturday to maybe thinking about stuff you will do together over the holidays or next year or, heck, a few years from now. And, at some point, when you're both thinking about your own future and you try and think of your life years from now (if, at that time, you also see your partner having a significant part in that future) that's when you know you have evolved from dating to being in a relationship. It’s like that sappy moment from that movie where the guy tells a woman he's dating, “I want to grow old with you.”

And if you're thinking along those lines – exclusivity should be a given at that point!

So no matter how strongly you may feel about someone, regardless of attraction or compatibility, if you catch their eye wandering, their friends hooking him/her up on dates or browsing through profiles on a dating site, he or she is not ready to be in a relationship.

Being in a relationship means many things to many people. For some, one of the most important (and necessary) criteria of being in a relationship is to be exclusive with your partner. This means, you’re both no longer actively looking to meet other single people. You expect exclusivity and are not shy to make that known either. Exclusivity cannot be one-sided in a relationship. If only one person is ready for exclusivity – then you do not have a relationship – what you have is an imbalance in expectations.


The funny thing about expectations is that we all have them and yet we all make apologies for having them. 

If you have an expectation that your partner will be exclusive then communicate your expectations to your partner. And don't do this with an apology either. If you believe that you deserve to be treated a certain way then state your expectations with honesty.

But, do not for a second believe that you can impose your expectations on your partner. You have the power to set your own expectations just as much as your partner has the power (and choice) to meet them or to reject them. 

You cannot force someone to love you, or be exclusive with you, or spend more time with you or meet any other expectation that you have of that person.

You can only be what you are and they will be what they are. 

In that process, you will either meet each other's expectations, or you will both revise your respective expectations until you reach a happy medium. In these instances, you have the foundations of a solid relationship. Ultimately, a relationship is about – managing expectations.

But it may also happen that one person may consistently feel short-changed because of his or her unmet expectations which cannot be revised or abandoned. That's when you walk away! Because, all said and done, you have to be true to yourself.

As Richard Bach quotes in his book, Illusions, “Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of a false messiah.”

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