Arrange This:
Second Genners and the Question of Marriage


"We would like you to meet a very nice boy/girl.."

Are we obsessed? Whether you are eavesdropping on your parents at a family party, watching a bollywood flick or listening to a Hindi film song, the same old theme emerges over and over again: MARRIAGE. Does this conversation sound familiar?


Auntie Number 1: (Proud to be the first-to-know): "Pinky has met a very nice boy. Her Mother just called me yesterday."

Auntie Number 2: (Reflex reply) "Oh really, what-does-he-do?"

Number 1: (pauses dramatically) "A Doctor! And fair and tall too!"

Number 2: (visibly impressed) "Really!" (Needs a moment to catch her breath) "What about that Preety? Has she found anyone yet?"

Number 1: (replies in hushed tones) "No, not yet. Poor parents are beside themselves. Do you know anyone?"


Perhaps this is slightly exaggerated. Perhaps it isn't. But let's agree that the preoccupation with all things nuptial exists and go from there. The next question is, why?

If Ma tells you that it is her God-given duty to get you married to a tall, Gujrati engineer, she may not be exaggerating (too much). According to Hinduism, it is our duty to marry, have children and run a household.

Others might say that the anxiety over marriage comes from living away from home and losing the traditional support of extended family, marriage brokers and horoscope-readers. First generation parents, keen to "retain their culture" maintain a strict sense of what this culture means, forgetting that it has evolved since they left it in the '60's. Maybe as a part of this, or maybe just out of love, they are committed to finding their son or daughter "a suitable spouse" - regardless of whether their children feel they need one.

"But what will people say?!" They might exclaim.

Whatever the reason, many young Desis have either experienced or witnessed the marriage-related pressure, debates or line of questioning that often begins in your twenties.