Q) Help! My fiancée and his family don't know that I sometimes go out. They might find out and I don't know what to say or do. It could destroy my family?

I'm curious why you think that your fiancée and his family would object to you going out. Why do you believe that it will destroy your family and in what way will that happen? There is a lot of information that is missing and therefore it makes it hard for me to give you any concrete advice.

What I think you need to ask yourself is how important is it to you to be able to go out and what role does going out play in creating your identity and happiness. Marriage is for life and it is not a decision that should be taken lightly. While it is important to compromise it is also equally if not more important to make sure that while you are married you are able to contribute by being the person that you really are. There are many worse things that could come out of your fiancée and his family not finding out that you enjoy going out. It could create friction after the marriage, which will result in a lot of anger and maybe feelings of betrayal. If you decide not to tell them and it doesn't come up you will end up suppressing a part of who you are and spending the rest of you life wearing many different hats to make everyone else happy, but you yourself will be angry, frustrated and sad. This is obviously a part of your life that you feel is important and if it is not then its something that you may be able to stop doing without feeling you have lost anything.

As to what you should say or do that depends entirely on how much you like your fiancée and how comfortable you are with him and how honest you both can be. I wonder why you and him have not talked about this before. As I mentioned earlier there is a lot of critical information missing which could alter what I am saying. I suggest that you bring this up with your fiancée and discuss what importance it has to you. There could be many other things that you do in your life that your fiancée and his family may not agree with. It also sounds like you haven't had much of a discussion with your fiancée about who you both are and in addition neither of you seems to know much about each others families.

Marriage requires work, honestly and a flow of communication. At the moment you are entering into this institution with what appears to be a lack of honesty and also no communication.