Long Term Relationships

Dear Laky

I'm 20 years old. There' s something that has been bothering me for a while. I met a guy a few years ago, and we became good friends. I still talk to him now; we go to school together, and occasionally hang out. The problem is that ever since we met, he's wanted more than a friendship, and I am not sure if that is what I want. I admit that I have some feelings for him, however, I don't think it is fair for me to get into a relationship with him because I do have some doubts about it. He's one of the nicest guys I've met, and he treats me very well. But I think a bit of my problem is that we aren't the same religion.

You are probably wondering why this is importance to me. At this point in my life, I don't want to get into a relationship that I don't see as being long term, or one that I know my parents won't approve of. I always feel like I owe him an explanation as to why I want nothing more than a friendship, and whenever I try to explain, I don't think he understands me. I do see myself getting married in the future, and if I get into a relationship, I'd like to be with someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. Is there something wrong with not wanting to get into a relationship my parents will not approve of? Am I too young to be thinking 'long term'?

'CONFUSED!!'

Dear Confused

I want to commend you on you maturity; it appears that you have given this a great deal of thought. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you not wanting to get involved with someone that’s not from the same religion. You obviously know what you want and what your limitations are.

If you don’t feel the same way as this guy then don’t force yourself to, there are dangers to doing that too. You have told me that you have a great friendship, try to maintain that as much as you can. The reason you have feelings for this guy are quite clear, you have things in common and he treats you well, but at the end of the day he also needs to respect and understand your feelings.

I am not here to place judgement on you, if religion is important to your family then it’s good that you are respectful of that.

He needs to be able to understand where you are coming from and if he chooses not to hear you or not to care then you need not feel bad. However, you do need to make an honest effort to explain why you can not get into a relationship with him. It might also be a good idea to let him know what qualities you do like about him. It is important that he knows that it’s not him per se but rather your acknowledgment of what you want. He should be thankful that you have been up front with him about this. You could easily get into a relationship with him now and both end up going through a great deal of pain.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting to respect your parent’s wishes; it shows a great deal of maturity on your part. It’s good that your thinking about your future and what it is your looking for. There is also nothing with you wanting to think ahead.

I wish you all the best and I hope that you’re able to keep your friendship with this guy. I’m proud of you because you have given this a lot of thought and you are well aware of how far you take this.

Keep the faith

Laky